I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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