i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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