i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize