highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
