I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
