Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I touched a dick in church today
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
