The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
