I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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