It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
