I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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