Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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