If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
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Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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