I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i think i just lost a toe
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
