I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
