my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I did not marry a roomba.
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