Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
