What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
