Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
