so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
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Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch