3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.