and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
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You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."