I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something