I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.