Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.