Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.