Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.

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  (248): Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up. http://tfl.nu/qfvl
  Replies (16) Good night (749) Bad night (1638)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.

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  (610): Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays. http://tfl.nu/bu0x
  Replies (9) Good night (3566) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  God gave him joint rollers for hands

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  (661): God gave him joint rollers for hands http://tfl.nu/1evx
  Replies (10) Good night (2999) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.

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  (616): thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore. http://tfl.nu/y9tr
  Replies (2) Good night (2373) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.

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  (660): It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope. http://tfl.nu/g3x7
  Replies (7) Good night (1098) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  He smells so good today

  (1-641): View more from Iowa

  Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.

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  (641): He smells so good today (1-641): Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit. http://tfl.nu/5jte
  Replies (13) Good night (2000) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter

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  (724): Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter http://tfl.nu/v115
  Replies (2) Good night (1372) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out

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  (519): Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out http://tfl.nu/ezsq
  Replies (18) Good night (2125) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card

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  (928): I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card http://tfl.nu/lhlg
  Replies (5) Good night (393) Bad night (932)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This is why Helen Keller didn't drink

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  (902): This is why Helen Keller didn't drink http://tfl.nu/wpjw
  Replies (8) Good night (755) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right

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  (207): So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right http://tfl.nu/bi9y
  Replies (7) Good night (1257) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".

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  (210): We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness". http://tfl.nu/kq4n
  Replies (5) Good night (636) Bad night (1096)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.

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  (920): No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight. http://tfl.nu/0s2q
  Replies (4) Good night (585) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?

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  (774): I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex (603): College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh? http://tfl.nu/q4kf
  Replies (1) Good night (677) Bad night (149)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Clearly, you already have. Both of them.

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  (770): I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one. (404): Clearly, you already have. Both of them. http://tfl.nu/iwis
  Replies (6) Good night (885) Bad night (245)

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