wat bout pragnant strippers??
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS