i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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