So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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