Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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