my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
