$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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