you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
