Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
