He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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