tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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