Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
