why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
