my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
