hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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