My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
