end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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