Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
