im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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