I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Life is so much better after having sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
