You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
