I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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