All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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