fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
