so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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