I think I died a long time ago.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
