I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
