i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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