Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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