You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
