shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
