3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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