why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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