apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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