I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
