Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
