I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
