whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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