Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
