just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
