We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
