All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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