Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
