you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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