Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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