Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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