i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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