the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
