Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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