i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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