they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No subtext here. People are naked.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
