Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
