Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
