I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
