I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
