I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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