Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
COCAINE IS GR8
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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