it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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