the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
